Hello, nice having met you!
I know who to pick out as my "type" that excites and amuses me greatly! It goes way beyond a 'body type' or how much mascara someone wears and how she looks on the outside. I look for her inner beauty that is very transparent to others if you look closely enough below the surface to her personality and life outlook and experiences. I know I'm not perfect and have some emotions and anxiety as a guy from time to time whether I enjoy it or not. The girls I truly fall for and notice to hit on is no accident, she sends out signals and body language and emotions on her face or mannerisms of an inner strength and open vulnerability I pick up on and noticed right away that makes her stand out. Some of the girls I flirt with is just practice and a number game of meeting lots of people to increase my chances to meet a good pick! I choose strong women I can relate to. I'm not saying exactly that I like you because you are a messed up chick and the good looks are not the reason guys chase choose to go after you, but your immaturity and deep set neediness to be watched and seen by others paying attention to you is the only reason you captured my attention....But truth be told, guys like playful girls who make them feel young, happy and whimsical and not dark or so serious and very stressed out when around the person. Not all girls I meet act like little immature girls who never grew up and mentally developed into an adult her own age. Many girls I meet who I really liked are mature, kind, bright, smart, awesome women. I like both types, the ones who rely on her looks to feel good or a sense of power, and the pretty ones who rely on her talents or intelligence and social skills. Whether she is a run away train who already derailed off the tracks and way out of control for a long time now, or one of the girls whose train is never late and is reliable, clean inside, cozy, comfortable inside, and always on time. Often I pick out women from the crowd who stand out and like me need and crave attention and to entertain others and find pleasing others and being attractive or funny a fun positive experience. Who needs the attention and is calling out for the attention from me and men the most is a calling card or a mating call for a girl I can relate to emotionally on a level of someone who has a hardship or some emotional or personal problems going on inside of her. If a sexy girl dresses and acts like she needs and craves lots of attention, I can then relate to her because obviously she is overcompensating for something and has some problems going on in her that she is trying to hide or not expose by offering everyone and the world a big distraction to look away at her emotional or mental health problems and instead just have all of us stare and admire only just her looks and outfits and hair and not her vulnerability. Well guess what, guys like myself can read it and see right through it that she is hiding major things very very wrong and her unhealthy attributes right away. I like tough street smart wise girls, who can be fearless or scrappy if it is needed that they can protect themselves and hold her own. If she can be tough around me or any guys interested in her right away and have space and boundaries being distant from guys....I know she if she falls for me, will fight for me, or understand me, and someone I want to be in my corner as a partner and a protector if I am very ill or having a dizzy spell and would need someone to help me out and be there to have my back prepared to support me if it was needed. That is why I rarely chase after any shy or introverted girls, they could not understand or relate to me and my emotions about rejection or life's hardship where I put myself out there and well talk and think a lot. I like brazen, smart, or not so smart really scrappy girls willing to call someone out on their shit, yet supportive and loving to me and very loyal and devoted to a guy she loves. No bullies, no bitches who put others down in person or behind their back, no opportunists who will use or cheat others who fell in love as her boyfriend. So basically no manipulative creeps and spooks or psychopaths. Being poor or from a tough place in life can be very sexy to me. I don't have any interest in boring girls with a dull or nothing bland personality, even if the girl is a hot supermodel, or has a real hot sexy looking figure if she does not have any playfulness or isn't flirtatious or awareness of a street wise personality I will not look into her or pay any attention. Being a very interesting person does not always mean having a clean slate or squeeky clean life or past experiences or her life choices, if she will throw down to go head to head to protect herself or her friends that is a very sexy, a chick you don't mess with being openly flirtatious and sexy with me to pursue after me back or initiate the chase and being someone I can safely depend on and trust. Trust issues and real actual close bonds of intimacy are a major theme with beautiful models and artists and stand up comedians. No chicks who put me down and tear me apart and criticize me for how she treats me. I love it when a girl makes me earn it and not give herself away for free without making me work for it, a hopeless romantic type guy loves having to wait and earn some love from his dream ideal girl, but expects the results in the end should I put in the effort and be encouraged to pursue after her. I like a sure thing guaranteed more or less, just the angst involved in having to work at it to have things happen as a slight challenge. No comparing me with any other guys and no competition against any other guys if you like me, flirt with other dudes, sure, just no openly letting me know I'm the last guy in line and other men are ahead of me who she approves of and has gone for currently. I will not be second best or the declined offer that was tossed out and the boyfriend position of who loves her deeply given to somebody else. I could care less how many dudes a hot chick has been with already before me, the more the merrier, just don't leave me hanging like I don't count and I'm not important or worthwhile. Never treat me like I'm stupid or not worthwhile as a person to be shunned, shamed or dissed and mistreated. Making me get to work to be allowed to earn her and her attention and her love and devotion is a totally different thing than someone mean, rude or stuck up bullying me. I will not tolerate any bullies or mean girls who treat me like a second class citizen and a less than. The whole revenge of the nerds thing of the slightly geeky and nerdy guy picking the hot formerly unattainable hot popular cheerleader girl or the sorority girl babe who was the popular cool it girl in high school as I or the many other guys who like her now were the nerds and outcasts or unpopular with their peers before is so damn common with me and most nerds/former nerds who like the knockout stunning supermodels that I just embrace it and admit it rather than trying to hide this or deny this about myself. All races, all types, all neighborhood backgrounds they grew up and lived in, but each and everyone is a knockout who just captivates me and gets my attention with her sexy outside beauty and accessible semi transparent vulnerable strong interesting personality and scappy street smarts in her inner beauty.
Men like myself enjoy the chase and are more about the hunt, than about the kill. More about the journey than just the destination at the end of the road, but we pick a good selection of someone very high quality and well worth all the effort that is involved in our pursuit after her.
Directly below here is some information meant just for the girls I have flirted with before.
I was just going to write a missed connections with a sexy woman I just had met when this was written in October 2013 and it turned into one of my long novels before I knew it or could stop myself from expression and being a verbal emotive storyteller.
People who know me or have had me write or email them before or been around to hear my interesting told stories or thoughts out loud will say this is familiar, same old Brent!
I am ashamed I could not live up to others expectations they had for me in order for me to pass or succeed, but I am proud of myself for how I can put into words, or express my inner self into my artwork, who I am and what goes on inside me and my reaction to things, people, and the world I see and hear and feel around me. Contrasts and variations about me like Darkness and light, good and bad, exciting and boring, experiencing life internally through my creative visual and verbal filters then sending it back out externally to others to experience and see what I just felt or saw and hopefully be moved, enlightened, entertained, provoked maybe by it, or best of all inspired and happy! Making people happy and feel good through my actions, interactions or expression makes me feeling at ease, calm, and feel cool inside like a rock star!
If any of the hot girls I met before want to meet up with me let me know what your up to and keep reading here below. This extrovert/introvert thing of being a complete socially fearlessness extrovert around others but also total loner introvert when going through a quick 1 to 5 hour bout of heavy depression having a hard time alone in my own suffering was certainly not the case when meeting and flirting with that really sexy hot chick for 3 up to 30 minutes in conversation earlier during that day or week at the: Beach, mall, bar, store, library, restaurant, convention, event, show, comedy club show venue, street, campus, am I missing any place you meet or interact with new unknown people? I consider the word 'store' could be applied to grocery, coffee shop, clothing, comic book, book, thrift, you name it. I simplified store as a place of business where people work and where people shop for a service of some kind of material goods or chosen select transaction needed by the buyer/shopper. I just got a little left brain thinking again...Now back to chasing after my urge to meet or impress the various hot chicks I see and will meet.
I'm honestly scared of romantic intimacy so I excel at making the first moves of the flirting and walking up cold on the spot introduction, but I am the worst closer in the world...If you do really like me and dig me after I hit on you and was trying to impress you when I met you....Chasing after me and letting me know you do approve of me even if I am not rich with a good job and my own kids I fathered or the worldly travels abroad under my belt of life's more glamorous experiences...but more of a unique quirky intelligent creative totally complete social fearlessness but often socially awkward guy. I can often hide away from someone mildly interested in me back. Letting me know you are a sure thing, not for sex but for your giving approval and acceptance of me is a big deal maker to keep me from ducking out and more or less disappearing/hiding. I pursue first and then wait to see if they pursue me with lots of approval, where I will not be expected to be compared to others lives or resumes and high expectations I might not be able to match an equivalent of or pull off now or anytime in the near future. If you want a guy who makes good to great money income, gets tons of chicks in bed as a smooth player when ever he wants some pussy, and travels the whole earth always traveling someplace new destination all over the world all the time...Maybe I'm not the person in that description. Hopeless Romantic way of being is my kind of natural fuel or genetic make up of how I was wired since childhood. Romantics love the pursuit of someone or something and will almost let nothing take them away from achieving that goal or obstacle. Being smitten and mesmerized by something is a really rush and deep meaningful connection I have to myself and helps wake me up and feel like I belong and have a greater connection to life, myself, others, and my surroundings. No just punching the clock going through the same old motions when a hopeless romantic guy is interested in a woman he likes deeply. It can be about a job I want, a comic con convention pass I want to buy or get, an old rare weird artbook I just saw and will never see again if I do not buy it. Somehow not having enough money to purchase that rare desirable book makes wanting it even better. Once I own the book the rush and excitement is gone within minutes. With attractive women I am very amused by, that desire and rush does not seem to disappear or dissipate with me at all when I am in the zone and fully aware of my desire for her and my inner attraction to her. After meeting her, getting rejected by her, or seeing how she is not moral and ethical socially with others, or hurts others for her own selfish gain, well I still seem transfixed even with a less than glamorous truth set before me to recognize and accept. Even waiting out the things that need to be done or roadblocks in life and years that pass by won't stop a romantic artist from wanting to reach out and be with the woman or thing he has desired so long. I go about my life and my day, it doesn't all revolve around the prettiest rap video models or international bikini pin up supermodels. Desiring and dreaming about something or someone in particular has always been so natural and normal as a passion of mine that helps keep me motivated and going moving forward with everything that I have to do but may not want to do. I'm a dreamer. I do get a lot of different things done. I sure put myself out there all the time for all kinds of different things. And rejection is inevitable and going to happen often. But when life starts to inch closer to being with the girl of my dreams, the one special cat I always wanted to own and love as my pet and companion, or a book I just have to own and can't ever now live without it feels pretty cool having my dreams and my wishes coming true...but reality is not as rich or fanciful as my fantasy or ideal expectation or day dream situation with someone else. Owning a cat though is just as good as the fantasy of having that cat, but even better...unconditional love back my way is mind blowing amazing to a man like me who has been put down or bullied or verbally abused or shamed by other people in my life all the time over the years. Being around or near the girl of my dreams is great, but it's real and has some dull moments or normal average dead air times of nothing incredible or sensational at all, but just mild living and being where things can go back again to feeling only so so...The rush does not stay the entire time I am around a dream girl in person, it fades away a bit. Seeing them around pass me by, but not getting the chance or opportunity to speak to them or not having a big interaction more than a quick brief hello acknowledgement back from her that leaves me unfulfilled and wishing for more to have that chance with her, if only...I could....and she will.... Then life happens and being around her is not that amazing like I thought it was going to be, the amazing book I could not ever let slip away out of my life I needed it and just had to have it be mine so badly is often sitting on my shelf collecting dust and forgotten. But had I not bought that particular rare book I wanted it would be held in an ideal place as the one that got away, a thing of greatness that I saw which I was after, but out of my reaches/grasp...hopeless romantics folks! Artist angst, anxiety meets lust and adrenaline rush, the desire, longing, and goal setting, work, and researching, studying, timing myself, it must have some kind of skill or purpose that helps me in some way, or why else would my personality and mind soul be wired up like this way that puts me into the nerd or offbeat guy category a world of dreaming and overactive imagination? Tormented and tortured artists and natural creative storytellers with a very rich and verbal visual imagination is more my forte...a sensitivity and connection to animals right away and interest amusement meeting, being around and interacting with all kinds of people all the time seems to be my strong points...I was never a last call at the bar beer goggles going home with anyone near me, then walk of shame kind of guy, never felt like a good fit, felt trivial and pointless emotionally without any strong attraction or personal connection and excitement being played out. Being a romantic type who prefers to court someone sucks because it's 110 years out dated now and really out of what's fashion or deemed normal or appropriate and just doesn't get much results in real life. What works in the romantic comedy or drama movies is not real life, and well you would be killed or arrested by the other person if you actually acted just like the storyline characters in a popular romantic drama or comedy chick flick. So I try to balance out where I feel comfortable and where the girls I crush on feel comfortable, which is at totally opposite ends of the spectrum most of the time, so my results are low but my rejections or things not panning out for me are sometimes very high.
As far as proving to my peers that I could get laid with someone I care nothing about and do not feel anything towards:
Why would I care to brag to everyone or other guys about something I was never connected to or cared anything about personally in the first place?
This is the same guy who has never done drugs to get high and never been drunk and never smoked a single cigarette even once before my whole life. Meaningful things to me personally and reaching wishful goals and outcomes good success or bad failures is more important than trying to prove to my peers I'm cool enough to fit in and not stand out as unique or different by being acting and thinking the exact same as everyone else. I am an individual minded person and must be about being unique, true to myself and different. Peer pressure from others trying to bully or put pressure on me to assimilate myself fully or fit in doing things I do not want to do or relate to at all does not ever work with me. As an outsider or offbeat thinking dude I have studied peoples interests and behaviors of things of the way they live and act and that includes myself. I know my limitations...Most others are not as self aware or good at their researching and studying patterns skills as me...But I sure can not play much office politics hard ball and last very long with confrontational people who use others for their own personal gain whenever possible and pretend to never have known you or liked you once they got what they wanted and now have you in the cross hairs to take down. I can fit in socially in a group or around others but not when the person has recently been fake, dishonest or very untrustworthy. And yet I'm often very forgiving to others and give lots of second chances or don't hold grudges. Not every time, but most times. People are flawed and that is forgivable. If they left me out to get hurt for their own self centered gain or pleasure, then their cowardice is to me pretty unforgivable action behavior if someone who I counted on and trusted to have my back or best interests. Willing to risk your own status or rank in life to help someone else you know who needs you and looks up to you is to me a hero...like in the movies 'An Officer and a Gentleman'-Richard Gere character Mayo helping his friend Seegers out and 'Candyman' Virginia Madsen character protecting the vulnerable little boy from basically the devil who had the upper hand. I don't pretend to be flawless or perfect or always without an error or two here and there when a blunder does or could possibly happen.
I meet tons of knock out pretty very cool interesting attractive appealing women each year, month, week, or even day sometimes: if it's a great day to be alive and hustling my socially fearlessness. I do hear back from some now and again....I guess I thought here what the hell to just put up a missed connections listing online to see who likes me enough that they do not look down on me for not living up to the other guys she could be dating and with.
So who(m) likes me to say hello and contact me to let me know they approve of me and are still around or still amused and interested in me a bit....."girls/females only"
I know who to pick out as my "type" that excites and amuses me greatly! It goes way beyond a 'body type' or how much mascara someone wears and how she looks on the outside. I look for her inner beauty that is very transparent to others if you look closely enough below the surface to her personality and life outlook and experiences. I know I'm not perfect and have some emotions and anxiety as a guy from time to time whether I enjoy it or not. The girls I truly fall for and notice to hit on is no accident, she sends out signals and body language and emotions on her face or mannerisms of an inner strength and open vulnerability I pick up on and noticed right away that makes her stand out. Some of the girls I flirt with is just practice and a number game of meeting lots of people to increase my chances to meet a good pick! I choose strong women I can relate to. I'm not saying exactly that I like you because you are a messed up chick and the good looks are not the reason guys chase choose to go after you, but your immaturity and deep set neediness to be watched and seen by others paying attention to you is the only reason you captured my attention....But truth be told, guys like playful girls who make them feel young, happy and whimsical and not dark or so serious and very stressed out when around the person. Not all girls I meet act like little immature girls who never grew up and mentally developed into an adult her own age. Many girls I meet who I really liked are mature, kind, bright, smart, awesome women. I like both types, the ones who rely on her looks to feel good or a sense of power, and the pretty ones who rely on her talents or intelligence and social skills. Whether she is a run away train who already derailed off the tracks and way out of control for a long time now, or one of the girls whose train is never late and is reliable, clean inside, cozy, comfortable inside, and always on time. Often I pick out women from the crowd who stand out and like me need and crave attention and to entertain others and find pleasing others and being attractive or funny a fun positive experience. Who needs the attention and is calling out for the attention from me and men the most is a calling card or a mating call for a girl I can relate to emotionally on a level of someone who has a hardship or some emotional or personal problems going on inside of her. If a sexy girl dresses and acts like she needs and craves lots of attention, I can then relate to her because obviously she is overcompensating for something and has some problems going on in her that she is trying to hide or not expose by offering everyone and the world a big distraction to look away at her emotional or mental health problems and instead just have all of us stare and admire only just her looks and outfits and hair and not her vulnerability. Well guess what, guys like myself can read it and see right through it that she is hiding major things very very wrong and her unhealthy attributes right away. I like tough street smart wise girls, who can be fearless or scrappy if it is needed that they can protect themselves and hold her own. If she can be tough around me or any guys interested in her right away and have space and boundaries being distant from guys....I know she if she falls for me, will fight for me, or understand me, and someone I want to be in my corner as a partner and a protector if I am very ill or having a dizzy spell and would need someone to help me out and be there to have my back prepared to support me if it was needed. That is why I rarely chase after any shy or introverted girls, they could not understand or relate to me and my emotions about rejection or life's hardship where I put myself out there and well talk and think a lot. I like brazen, smart, or not so smart really scrappy girls willing to call someone out on their shit, yet supportive and loving to me and very loyal and devoted to a guy she loves. No bullies, no bitches who put others down in person or behind their back, no opportunists who will use or cheat others who fell in love as her boyfriend. So basically no manipulative creeps and spooks or psychopaths. Being poor or from a tough place in life can be very sexy to me. I don't have any interest in boring girls with a dull or nothing bland personality, even if the girl is a hot supermodel, or has a real hot sexy looking figure if she does not have any playfulness or isn't flirtatious or awareness of a street wise personality I will not look into her or pay any attention. Being a very interesting person does not always mean having a clean slate or squeeky clean life or past experiences or her life choices, if she will throw down to go head to head to protect herself or her friends that is a very sexy, a chick you don't mess with being openly flirtatious and sexy with me to pursue after me back or initiate the chase and being someone I can safely depend on and trust. Trust issues and real actual close bonds of intimacy are a major theme with beautiful models and artists and stand up comedians. No chicks who put me down and tear me apart and criticize me for how she treats me. I love it when a girl makes me earn it and not give herself away for free without making me work for it, a hopeless romantic type guy loves having to wait and earn some love from his dream ideal girl, but expects the results in the end should I put in the effort and be encouraged to pursue after her. I like a sure thing guaranteed more or less, just the angst involved in having to work at it to have things happen as a slight challenge. No comparing me with any other guys and no competition against any other guys if you like me, flirt with other dudes, sure, just no openly letting me know I'm the last guy in line and other men are ahead of me who she approves of and has gone for currently. I will not be second best or the declined offer that was tossed out and the boyfriend position of who loves her deeply given to somebody else. I could care less how many dudes a hot chick has been with already before me, the more the merrier, just don't leave me hanging like I don't count and I'm not important or worthwhile. Never treat me like I'm stupid or not worthwhile as a person to be shunned, shamed or dissed and mistreated. Making me get to work to be allowed to earn her and her attention and her love and devotion is a totally different thing than someone mean, rude or stuck up bullying me. I will not tolerate any bullies or mean girls who treat me like a second class citizen and a less than. The whole revenge of the nerds thing of the slightly geeky and nerdy guy picking the hot formerly unattainable hot popular cheerleader girl or the sorority girl babe who was the popular cool it girl in high school as I or the many other guys who like her now were the nerds and outcasts or unpopular with their peers before is so damn common with me and most nerds/former nerds who like the knockout stunning supermodels that I just embrace it and admit it rather than trying to hide this or deny this about myself. All races, all types, all neighborhood backgrounds they grew up and lived in, but each and everyone is a knockout who just captivates me and gets my attention with her sexy outside beauty and accessible semi transparent vulnerable strong interesting personality and scappy street smarts in her inner beauty.
Men like myself enjoy the chase and are more about the hunt, than about the kill. More about the journey than just the destination at the end of the road, but we pick a good selection of someone very high quality and well worth all the effort that is involved in our pursuit after her.
Directly below here is some information meant just for the girls I have flirted with before.
I was just going to write a missed connections with a sexy woman I just had met when this was written in October 2013 and it turned into one of my long novels before I knew it or could stop myself from expression and being a verbal emotive storyteller.
People who know me or have had me write or email them before or been around to hear my interesting told stories or thoughts out loud will say this is familiar, same old Brent!
I am ashamed I could not live up to others expectations they had for me in order for me to pass or succeed, but I am proud of myself for how I can put into words, or express my inner self into my artwork, who I am and what goes on inside me and my reaction to things, people, and the world I see and hear and feel around me. Contrasts and variations about me like Darkness and light, good and bad, exciting and boring, experiencing life internally through my creative visual and verbal filters then sending it back out externally to others to experience and see what I just felt or saw and hopefully be moved, enlightened, entertained, provoked maybe by it, or best of all inspired and happy! Making people happy and feel good through my actions, interactions or expression makes me feeling at ease, calm, and feel cool inside like a rock star!
If any of the hot girls I met before want to meet up with me let me know what your up to and keep reading here below. This extrovert/introvert thing of being a complete socially fearlessness extrovert around others but also total loner introvert when going through a quick 1 to 5 hour bout of heavy depression having a hard time alone in my own suffering was certainly not the case when meeting and flirting with that really sexy hot chick for 3 up to 30 minutes in conversation earlier during that day or week at the: Beach, mall, bar, store, library, restaurant, convention, event, show, comedy club show venue, street, campus, am I missing any place you meet or interact with new unknown people? I consider the word 'store' could be applied to grocery, coffee shop, clothing, comic book, book, thrift, you name it. I simplified store as a place of business where people work and where people shop for a service of some kind of material goods or chosen select transaction needed by the buyer/shopper. I just got a little left brain thinking again...Now back to chasing after my urge to meet or impress the various hot chicks I see and will meet.
I'm honestly scared of romantic intimacy so I excel at making the first moves of the flirting and walking up cold on the spot introduction, but I am the worst closer in the world...If you do really like me and dig me after I hit on you and was trying to impress you when I met you....Chasing after me and letting me know you do approve of me even if I am not rich with a good job and my own kids I fathered or the worldly travels abroad under my belt of life's more glamorous experiences...but more of a unique quirky intelligent creative totally complete social fearlessness but often socially awkward guy. I can often hide away from someone mildly interested in me back. Letting me know you are a sure thing, not for sex but for your giving approval and acceptance of me is a big deal maker to keep me from ducking out and more or less disappearing/hiding. I pursue first and then wait to see if they pursue me with lots of approval, where I will not be expected to be compared to others lives or resumes and high expectations I might not be able to match an equivalent of or pull off now or anytime in the near future. If you want a guy who makes good to great money income, gets tons of chicks in bed as a smooth player when ever he wants some pussy, and travels the whole earth always traveling someplace new destination all over the world all the time...Maybe I'm not the person in that description. Hopeless Romantic way of being is my kind of natural fuel or genetic make up of how I was wired since childhood. Romantics love the pursuit of someone or something and will almost let nothing take them away from achieving that goal or obstacle. Being smitten and mesmerized by something is a really rush and deep meaningful connection I have to myself and helps wake me up and feel like I belong and have a greater connection to life, myself, others, and my surroundings. No just punching the clock going through the same old motions when a hopeless romantic guy is interested in a woman he likes deeply. It can be about a job I want, a comic con convention pass I want to buy or get, an old rare weird artbook I just saw and will never see again if I do not buy it. Somehow not having enough money to purchase that rare desirable book makes wanting it even better. Once I own the book the rush and excitement is gone within minutes. With attractive women I am very amused by, that desire and rush does not seem to disappear or dissipate with me at all when I am in the zone and fully aware of my desire for her and my inner attraction to her. After meeting her, getting rejected by her, or seeing how she is not moral and ethical socially with others, or hurts others for her own selfish gain, well I still seem transfixed even with a less than glamorous truth set before me to recognize and accept. Even waiting out the things that need to be done or roadblocks in life and years that pass by won't stop a romantic artist from wanting to reach out and be with the woman or thing he has desired so long. I go about my life and my day, it doesn't all revolve around the prettiest rap video models or international bikini pin up supermodels. Desiring and dreaming about something or someone in particular has always been so natural and normal as a passion of mine that helps keep me motivated and going moving forward with everything that I have to do but may not want to do. I'm a dreamer. I do get a lot of different things done. I sure put myself out there all the time for all kinds of different things. And rejection is inevitable and going to happen often. But when life starts to inch closer to being with the girl of my dreams, the one special cat I always wanted to own and love as my pet and companion, or a book I just have to own and can't ever now live without it feels pretty cool having my dreams and my wishes coming true...but reality is not as rich or fanciful as my fantasy or ideal expectation or day dream situation with someone else. Owning a cat though is just as good as the fantasy of having that cat, but even better...unconditional love back my way is mind blowing amazing to a man like me who has been put down or bullied or verbally abused or shamed by other people in my life all the time over the years. Being around or near the girl of my dreams is great, but it's real and has some dull moments or normal average dead air times of nothing incredible or sensational at all, but just mild living and being where things can go back again to feeling only so so...The rush does not stay the entire time I am around a dream girl in person, it fades away a bit. Seeing them around pass me by, but not getting the chance or opportunity to speak to them or not having a big interaction more than a quick brief hello acknowledgement back from her that leaves me unfulfilled and wishing for more to have that chance with her, if only...I could....and she will.... Then life happens and being around her is not that amazing like I thought it was going to be, the amazing book I could not ever let slip away out of my life I needed it and just had to have it be mine so badly is often sitting on my shelf collecting dust and forgotten. But had I not bought that particular rare book I wanted it would be held in an ideal place as the one that got away, a thing of greatness that I saw which I was after, but out of my reaches/grasp...hopeless romantics folks! Artist angst, anxiety meets lust and adrenaline rush, the desire, longing, and goal setting, work, and researching, studying, timing myself, it must have some kind of skill or purpose that helps me in some way, or why else would my personality and mind soul be wired up like this way that puts me into the nerd or offbeat guy category a world of dreaming and overactive imagination? Tormented and tortured artists and natural creative storytellers with a very rich and verbal visual imagination is more my forte...a sensitivity and connection to animals right away and interest amusement meeting, being around and interacting with all kinds of people all the time seems to be my strong points...I was never a last call at the bar beer goggles going home with anyone near me, then walk of shame kind of guy, never felt like a good fit, felt trivial and pointless emotionally without any strong attraction or personal connection and excitement being played out. Being a romantic type who prefers to court someone sucks because it's 110 years out dated now and really out of what's fashion or deemed normal or appropriate and just doesn't get much results in real life. What works in the romantic comedy or drama movies is not real life, and well you would be killed or arrested by the other person if you actually acted just like the storyline characters in a popular romantic drama or comedy chick flick. So I try to balance out where I feel comfortable and where the girls I crush on feel comfortable, which is at totally opposite ends of the spectrum most of the time, so my results are low but my rejections or things not panning out for me are sometimes very high.
As far as proving to my peers that I could get laid with someone I care nothing about and do not feel anything towards:
Why would I care to brag to everyone or other guys about something I was never connected to or cared anything about personally in the first place?
This is the same guy who has never done drugs to get high and never been drunk and never smoked a single cigarette even once before my whole life. Meaningful things to me personally and reaching wishful goals and outcomes good success or bad failures is more important than trying to prove to my peers I'm cool enough to fit in and not stand out as unique or different by being acting and thinking the exact same as everyone else. I am an individual minded person and must be about being unique, true to myself and different. Peer pressure from others trying to bully or put pressure on me to assimilate myself fully or fit in doing things I do not want to do or relate to at all does not ever work with me. As an outsider or offbeat thinking dude I have studied peoples interests and behaviors of things of the way they live and act and that includes myself. I know my limitations...Most others are not as self aware or good at their researching and studying patterns skills as me...But I sure can not play much office politics hard ball and last very long with confrontational people who use others for their own personal gain whenever possible and pretend to never have known you or liked you once they got what they wanted and now have you in the cross hairs to take down. I can fit in socially in a group or around others but not when the person has recently been fake, dishonest or very untrustworthy. And yet I'm often very forgiving to others and give lots of second chances or don't hold grudges. Not every time, but most times. People are flawed and that is forgivable. If they left me out to get hurt for their own self centered gain or pleasure, then their cowardice is to me pretty unforgivable action behavior if someone who I counted on and trusted to have my back or best interests. Willing to risk your own status or rank in life to help someone else you know who needs you and looks up to you is to me a hero...like in the movies 'An Officer and a Gentleman'-Richard Gere character Mayo helping his friend Seegers out and 'Candyman' Virginia Madsen character protecting the vulnerable little boy from basically the devil who had the upper hand. I don't pretend to be flawless or perfect or always without an error or two here and there when a blunder does or could possibly happen.
I meet tons of knock out pretty very cool interesting attractive appealing women each year, month, week, or even day sometimes: if it's a great day to be alive and hustling my socially fearlessness. I do hear back from some now and again....I guess I thought here what the hell to just put up a missed connections listing online to see who likes me enough that they do not look down on me for not living up to the other guys she could be dating and with.
So who(m) likes me to say hello and contact me to let me know they approve of me and are still around or still amused and interested in me a bit....."girls/females only"
